Positive ways to deal with post-election grief, shock, and horror

If we learned one thing from the Bush years, it’s that incessant fantasizing about the gory death of the monster in the White House (or in this case, the monster-elect) does little to mitigate said monster’s impact on the world. Here are a few suggestions for more productive avenues for our energy.

  • Give money to any of the many causes that are certain to be harmed by the monster-elect. This would include anyone not white, male, and immorally wealthy.
  • It’s a great time to get out into nature. First because nature is a kick-ass stress-reliever. Second because we will not have it for much longer.
  • If you have a kid, enroll them in some kind of apocalyptic survival camp.
  • In the fine tradition of the Reagan years: start a punk band.
  • Writer friends: Keep writing! Scathing political satire seems appropriate, but if you prefer escapist fluff, that’s good too. Market outlook for escapist fluff appears strong for at least the next four years.

For no good reason on this Election Day, here’s something I dreamed in 1998.

A co-worker and I look out our office window onto a huge plowed field of eucalyptus trees. “It’s the next big thing in crops,” she assures me. She’s right–the trees are humongous.

We go down into the field to see the trees. “While we’re here, we may as well leave flowers,” she says, and I see we are at Kurt Cobain’s grave.

When I place my hastily assembled bouquet on the grave, I hear him snoring. Brushing away a little soil, I uncover Kurt himself: naked, dirty and skeletal, but oddly refreshed and ready to return to the music business. “What’s Courtney up to?” he asks.

I can’t let him go back to her, though, so I dye his hair and eyebrows black and convince him to pose as my new boyfriend.